Life Goes On
by Bonnie Caledonia
Summary: This is definitely AU, but hopefully not too OOC. It's a bit angsty. What can I say; I was in a mood. I'm pretty sure it's a K .
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Ten years of hunting Red John and now they'd finally caught him.

The details of how didn't matter, the only thing that did was he was gone.

After it was all done and things had died down a bit Lisbon shut herself in her office to do paperwork. When, at last, she decided it was time to quit everyone, except for the night security guard, was gone. Well, not everyone.

She knew Jane was still up in his attic doing God knows what.

After packing up her briefcase Lisbon made her way to the elevator, but instead of pressing the down button she looked concernedly at the stairs leading to Jane's personal lair.

She wondered if maybe she should look in on him, make sure he was alright. Then again, perhaps he just wanted to be alone.

Turning back around she pushed firmly on the elevator's down button. However, as soon as the doors slid open Lisbon changed her mind and determinedly made her way up the stairs to the door separating her and her partner.

She knocked and waited for a response but it didn't come.

Had she been wrong? Had he left already?

Lisbon slide the heavy door open and looked around the dimly lit room. Just as she was about to give up she caught a glimpse of Jane's blonde curly hair just over the edge of the window. He was sitting out on the balcony.

She walked across the room to the small door adjoining the attic and the open roof.

Jane made no sign that he had noticed her approach, but Lisbon knew he had.

Did his false ignorance of her presence mean he didn't want her there?

Maybe this had been a mistake.

She started to back away, but just as she was about to return into the gloomy little room Jane spoke up.

"It's okay, you can stay."

His voice was quiet and she almost didn't hear it over the sounds of night traffic.

She swallowed uneasily.

"I don't want to intrude on anything."

"There's nothing to intrude on Lisbon." A hint of bitter amusement had seeped into his tone. "There's just nothing."

"Jane...", Lisbon started, but stopped when struck with the fact that she had no idea what to say to him.

He continued softly, "I thought there would be, but there isn't. It hasn't changed a thing."

Lisbon didn't have to be told what he meant by 'it', she knew all too well, and she felt anger begin to burn in the pit of her stomach at his words.

"It has changed something," she stated harshly. "He can't hurt anyone ever again. He can't do to anyone else what he did to you and so many other people."

Jane held up a hand to halt her speech.

"I didn't mean it like that. I'm glad he can't hurt people anymore. I just meant for me, I thought it would change something, but it didn't."

Lisbon stared at him confusedly.

"But this is what you've said you wanted for a decade."

"I know, I know that," he agreed impatiently. "It's just I expected to feel, I don't know…some kind of weight lifted, some kind of peace, and I don't."

"Jane, you had to have known that getting him wasn't going to give you peace just like that, didn't you?" she questioned him, concerned.

"Of course not, I'm not that naïve, I just…I thought…I don't know what I thought."

Jane hung his head in discouragement at not being able to explain himself better.

Lisbon stepped tentatively closer to him, took a deep breathe, and prepared herself for what she was about to say.

"I think I know what you mean," she started. "After my mom was killed and my dad started drinking, abusing us kids, I wished sometimes, God forgive me, that he would just die." She took another breathe, and although Jane's head was still bent she could tell he was listening. "Then as I got older," she continued, "the drinking got worse and worse and I knew that eventually he would kill himself one way or the other. When it finally happened I expected to feel something different than I did. I thought I'd feel a sense of freedom, of peace, but I didn't. All I felt was sadness."

"I realize this isn't the same thing as what happened to you, but what I'm trying to say is, you need to find peace on your own. Red John's death isn't going to give it to you."

As she finished Jane raised his head and stared at her a sad smile gracing his features.

"Thank you for that Lisbon."

As soon as he'd said this he brought his head down to its former position.

They continued on in silence for some moments, and Lisbon began to feel as if she should leave when she noticed Jane's shoulders were shaking softly.

The realization that he was crying caused her to feel as though someone had punched her in the gut and left her breathless. She'd never seen him cry before.

Not being sure what to do, but at the same time not wanting to leave him Lisbon followed her instincts.

She placed a cool hand against the back of his neck, buried her fingers in his curly hair, and slowly circled her fingertips against the back of his head in a, hopefully, soothing manner.

Her ministrations soon had the sought after effect, or perhaps more than the sought after effect, because with a soft sigh Jane moved his bent head slightly forward and leaned against her side fitting perfectly within the soft curve of her waist.

Lisbon was unsure of how to react. She tried not to tense and let Jane know she had been made uncomfortable by his action, although really, he probably knew anyway. Which meant he needed this and she certainly wasn't going to deny him comfort when he needed it.

Now with her new found confidence in their, admittedly rather compromising position, Lisbon laid her unoccupied hand to the top of his head and matched the motions she was making with her other hand.

When she heard Jane take a deep, almost contented sounding, breathe she smiled gently, albeit with a hint of sadness and apprehension. Lisbon knew that things were soon to change for her and her partner, and it wasn't going to be a pleasant change. But she shoved her trepidation for the future to the side and focused on the present because she was helping him and right at this moment that was all that mattered.

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Thanks for reading. Review and tell me if you'd like me to continue this fic. I have two more chapters if you want 'em.


	2. Chapter 2

Authors Note: Thank you so much dipdyedseashells, CrazerCat, make-mine-a-kiaora, Rosepeony, MartyMac49, and Idonthaveaname for your reviews on the 1st chapter. You have no idea how encouraging they are to me being that I'm such a newbie on fanfiction. I sincerely hope this chapter does not disappoint, but if it does review and tell me how I could've improved it. I appreciate healthy criticism.

Chapter 2

Two Weeks Later:

Lisbon didn't really know what she was doing in Jane's office all alone, sitting on his makeshift bed, looking out his attic window. Maybe she had hoped to find him there; maybe she had hoped to _not_ find him there. She didn't know which. All she did know was that a terrible ache had taken residence inside her since the day they had taken Red John down.

Actually it had started before that. It had been some time since she'd realized that the price for getting Red John was going to be losing her best friend.

Jane wouldn't stay now that his whole reason for doing so was gone. Perhaps she had tried to fool herself before that he would, but she knew deep down he wouldn't. He had been thrown into the path he'd been on for the last ten years by force. He wasn't like her. She had chosen this life, but he hadn't. It was irrational to think he would want to stay.

Of course at the moment Lisbon had the distinct feeling that Jane didn't know what he wanted. That's why he wasn't gone yet. He was still in a sort of shock. He wasn't sure what to do now, understandably. So much of his life had been consumed by his hunt for Red John that one could hardly fault him for not bouncing back right away. It would take some time.

Not too much time though, she hoped. Knowing what he was going to do was hard enough without having to wait for _him_ to figure it out. If he was going to leave she wanted it to be soon. Sort of like the pull-off-the-band-aid-as-quick-as-you-can procedure. It was time to get up and continue on with her life instead of hanging in this infuriatingly painful limbo that would continue on as long as his did.

But the question was, even if he did what she was almost certain he would do, could she really just move on? This hadn't only been ten years of his life it had been ten years of hers too, a decade of growing closer to this broken and deceptively cheerful man. He was, quite frankly, the best friend she'd ever had. She'd never been as close to anyone as she was with him. How do you move on from that?

Well, she'd have to. There wasn't really any other choice.

Just as she was about to delve into methods for coping with Patrick Jane withdrawal the man himself broke through her thoughts by sliding open the attic door and entering the gloomy, dark room (it had still been light when she'd come up and she hadn't bothered to turn the lights on when the sun went down).

She didn't bother to look at him, but continued to stare out the window at the bright city lights.

"I was looking for you," Jane said quietly.

"Well you found me," she answered in a bit of an I-don't-care-tone. "What do you want?"

"Nothing much."

"Liar," she retorted swiftly.

Jane was a little taken aback by the accusation. Not because it wasn't true, but because of the almost complete absence of emotion in Lisbon's voice. It disturbed him.

"You're right," he replied. "I had something I wanted to talk with you about, but now...I have no idea what to say."

She swallowed nervously, but kept her cool.

"Don't worry; I'm sure it'll come to you."

Jane sighed quietly. He'd never seen her like this before and didn't know how to proceed or even if he should. He felt unsure, and he hated that feeling, especially when it came to Lisbon.

Not entirely positive he was making the right move, Jane walked to the makeshift bed, then carefully eased up onto it and settled next to his partner.

"Lisbon I…," he began, but then thought better of it and held his tongue.

They sat there, seemingly ignoring each other until Lisbon couldn't take it anymore.

Keeping her face turned away from him she ended the suffocating silence that was threatening to choke her.

"You're leaving."

It wasn't a question.

Jane started to fidget with his hands, and then made a lame attempt to distract her from continuing the conversation he had intended to have with her before but had now chickened out about.

"That's hardly fair Lisbon. This is my dusty, dingy attic. If anyone should leave it ought to be you," he said in a falsely chipper manner.

"Jane." From her tone it was easy to deduce she was not in the mood to be messed with.

He took a deep breathe and looked down at his fidgeting hands.

"You know," she continued, "you're not the only one who can read people. I've known for a while now that when he was gone you wouldn't stay."

She turned her head to look at him.

She did a good job keeping her expression impassive, but Jane still managed to catch some sadness bleeding through. Maybe it was a little sick of him, but he felt a bit more at ease after having seen it.

"Like you said once, driving around California talking to unhappy people, it isn't something you've ever liked doing."

"And you _do_ like it?"

"No, of course not, but someone has to do it."

"Are you trying to guilt trip me Lisbon?"

"Don't be silly Jane," she huffed. "I'm not trying to make you feel like you're obliged to stay. I'm saying I understand, I get it."

She looked away again.

"After my dad's death when my brothers were old enough they practically begged me to give up my mother hen role. So I got out as fast as I could and never looked back… The only problem is you can never really leave your past behind."

Even though her voice stayed strong Jane detected a slight tremble in it.

She must have noticed it too because she took a slow, calming breathe.

Turning back to face him she forced a weak smile.

"You know, actually I think it would be good for you. Go someplace new, start over."

She looked him in the eye and said softly, "Find someone you can love."

Jane knew he was staring but he couldn't help it, or didn't want to. The city lights illuminating the small room seemed to give her soft green eyes an entrancing kind of glow and he found himself getting lost in them.

Lisbon became uncomfortable under his intense stare and shifted her eyes away from his.

Jane shook his head a little trying to clear it, as he did so the woman beside him slid off the bed and started to walk away.

He was just about to call after her when she turned around at the door and said, "Bye Jane…I'll miss you."

And then she was gone.

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Thank you for reading. Don't hesitate to tell me what you thought of it, if you feel like doing so. One more chapter to go.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Thank you CrazerCat, clairebare, Idan, KB4RC, Ilovetea, and trytryagain357 for you comments on my 2nd chapter. You have no idea what it means to me. I hope with a sincerity that boarders on nervousness that this final chapter is not a disappointment to all those who have read the story.

Author's Personal Note to CrazerCat: You have no idea how happy you made me when you said I've "got them spot on with the dialogue." Thank you so much.

Chapter 3

Jane sat for some little time in the darkness of the attic after Lisbon had gone. He was impressed by the level of perception his partner had displayed in her reading of him. Everything she had said was right of course, he did need to start over. However, as soon as she had voiced her knowledge of his intentions to leave he had been struck with the feeling that he didn't really want to go. The thing that really drove it home was when she'd told him, 'find someone you can love.' He didn't want to 'find' someone he could love, he already had. The thought that she expected him to leave and start over with someone other than her made him feel queasy. He knew she was in love with him the same as he was with her, and yet she was willing to give him up for what she thought was his own good. And he had wanted to leave her? How many kinds of idiot was he? He didn't want to leave her. He couldn't leave her. She was the most important part of him starting a new life.

Lisbon hadn't been able to sleep, not an unusual occurrence, so she busied herself with the reports she had brought home with her. She was well aware of the fact it was, quite honestly, pathetic, but it's just the way it was and, most likely, would stay. Her whole life was her job, she wasn't happy about it, but what choice did she have? Her one chance for a moderately normal life was leaving. She couldn't try and find anyone else; it wouldn't be fair to them. They would always be second best when there was the faintest possibility she could have her, personal, best. As long as Patrick Jane was alive she was his. That's just the way it was and would stay.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her door. Lisbon set her pen down on top of the unfinished paperwork strewn over her coffee table, got up, and walked to the front door.

Who on earth was coming by at this time of night?

She forcefully pushed away the first answer her brain supplied her with.

He wouldn't be here after the conversation they'd had only a few hours earlier. Would he?

Another abrupt knock startled her, but she still hesitated. Hoping it was him and at the same time hoping it wasn't. Her emotions were confusing her. What did she actually want? Well, that was easily answered. Perhaps a more appropriate question would be, what could she have? That was much harder to answer.

She was again jerked from her musings by a, more insistent this time, knock and a voice.

"I know you're there Lisbon. Open up."

It _was_ him. It was Jane.

What should she do? What _could_ she do?

"Teresa, please," he pleaded. "Let me in."

Teresa, he'd called her Teresa. It must be important for him to use her given name. She reached for the lock, then stopped.

She'd already said goodbye to him. She'd already made the decision to let him go. Was it really worth it to torture herself like this?

Lisbon heard a dull thud on the other side of the door. The kind you'd hear if someone had dropped their head heavily against it, and just like that she decided it was worth it.

Taking a calming breathe she unlocked the deadbolt and opened the door slowly.

Jane almost couldn't believe she'd actually opened up to him. As soon as he heard her throw back the lock he straightened from his leaning position against her door.

When he saw her a pang of guilt ran through him. She looked tired. Not just the normal kind of tired. She looked exhausted, emotionally as well as physically, and it was his fault.

"I thought you wanted to come in Jane."

She fixed him with an expectant expression.

"Sorry," he apologized while willing himself into mobility.

When he was in her apartment instead of letting her know what he'd come for he stood a few feet away from her and stared.

She was wearing one of her, much too large, jerseys and sweat pants rolled up mid-calf. She had her hair down the dark waves flowing softly to her shoulders. She was at the same time lovely and adorable with her arms crossed over her chest protectively. Obviously she wasn't quite sure what to expect from him.

Finally Lisbon broke the silence.

"Well?" she asked. "What do you want?"

"I want to stay," he answered softly.

All the air seemed to leave Lisbon's lungs for a few seconds, but she kept her face impassive and forced herself to keep her breathing even. He wanted to stay.

"Okay, I guess you can have the couch. It's not as comfortable as yours, but it's not bad."

Jane knew she knew what he meant, but he sensed she needed him to clarify his statement for her own peace of mind.

"I mean I want to stay in Sacramento. I want to stay with the CBI."

"I thought you didn't like working for the CBI," she said.

Apparently she was in need of more reassurance that he wouldn't disappear on her.

"Well, someone has to do it," he repeated her statement from before.

"But that's the point, you don't have to. You didn't choose this life Jane; it was forced on you by circumstance."

"You know, anyone would think you were trying to get rid of me."

She shook her head.

"No, no I just…want to be sure you're sure about this."

"Believe me, I am. You were right, I do need to start over, but that doesn't mean I have to leave."

He stepped closer to her.

"And I don't need to _find_ someone to love."

Lisbon had to look away from the burning intensity in Jane's blue-green eyes. She understood what he was saying; she just couldn't quite make herself believe it.

Instead of turning back to face him Lisbon panicked and headed toward her small kitchen.

"Do you want some tea?" she called over her shoulder, but didn't wait for a reply. "I'll put the kettle on."

After she had done so she opened one of her cupboards and brought out her seldom used teapot.

Just as she was about to reach up again and bring down a couple of mugs a pair of large hands settled on either side of her small waist.

"No, I don't want tea," Jane whispered softly in her ear.

She had nearly made up her mind to turn around when one of his hands left her waist. Then her heart rate elevated as she felt the same hand push her hair aside exposing her neck. The unexpected, slightly cool air made her shiver, but a second later she shivered again and this time it was for a completely different reason. Jane's warm lips came into contact with the back of her neck and Lisbon felt as if her breathing had ceased permanently. It wasn't a long caress and all too soon he was pulling away.

"Breathe Lisbon."

Her brain barely registered his voice, but she did as he had told her. As soon as her breathing was back to normal, well maybe a bit faster than what was normal, his lips were back. Her eyes slipped shut at the sensation and she sighed softly tilting her head a little to one side to give him better access.

He lightly kissed her neck and the smooth pale skin where the loose neckline of her jersey had slid from her shoulder.

After several moments of this he rested the side of his face against her hair and inhaled the scent of her shampoo.

The clean, fresh smell calmed his galloping pulse and a minute or so later, when he was more composed, he pulled away a little, returned both his hands to her waist and turned Lisbon around slowly until she was facing him. Her eyes were still closed.

"Teresa, open your eyes."

She did so, dazedly.

Jane smiled at the sight of her unfocused eyes and the completely dumb struck look on her face.

It took her a few seconds to blink back to the real world, but when she did it was absolutely worth it.

The look of pure love on Jane's face threatened to steal the air from her lungs yet again, however, this time with some effort she kept herself composed.

Jane smiled again, leaned forward and placed a light kiss to the corner of her mouth, then pulled back a little.

"I don't need to _find_ someone to love. I've already found her."

He brought his eyes level with hers.

"I love you."

Lisbon tamped down the happy tears that were threatening to overflow (really this was no time to cry) and answered back.

"I love you too."

With that Jane closed the last distance between them and tenderly encased her lips with his.

So Lisbon had been right, things had changed, just not in the way she'd predicted. Not that she was complaining.

Life goes on, and at the moment life was good.

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Thank you so, so much for reading. Feedback is the sugar to my tea. Audios until next time Mentalistas.


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